


Miracles Happen

by catholicorprotestant



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Fluff, I love premies so much, feel good, micro premie JJ, micro premies especially, premie JJ, this is literally so sweet, tiny but mighty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-07
Updated: 2017-01-07
Packaged: 2018-09-15 10:51:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9231635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catholicorprotestant/pseuds/catholicorprotestant
Summary: Based on a headcanon I have for JJ.JJ was born far too soon. 26 weeks, 3 and half months early. Nathalie can't help but blame herself. Nobody can convince her otherwise. Just another visit to the neonatal intensive care unit when she gets the best possible news.Fluffy promised!





	

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry, but I really love premies
> 
> Edit: I decided to make a full story of this called The Tiniest Feet Make the Biggest Footprint

Nathalie gripped the bottle of milk she’d managed to pump that day. It wasn’t much. She was so angry at herself. What kind of mother was she? She couldn’t keep her baby in her womb long enough for him to grow and mature properly. Now he was being kept alive by a machine breathing for him as his little body shook under the force. He was so tiny, so fragile. Every touch sent a rush to his immature nervous system causing him to push and pull and kick in frustration. She had to watch helplessly as his alarms screamed for help and nurses and respiratory therapists ran over to him. She’d seen him turn purple. She’d seen him be grey. If she could have just been a decent mother, he wouldn’t have to go through this. They wouldn’t have a “take it day by day” motto. If she had known she was pregnant sooner. If she hadn’t skated so much. If she had been better. And now she could barely get any milk to keep him nourished.

The thoughts ran through her head constantly, but they were so much worse when she was here at the hospital to visit him. The unit was unfortunately one of the few in Montreal that had limited visitation hours. She wished he could be taken to one where she could be with him always, but they wouldn’t do that. At the moment he was still to critical anyway. 

She brushed the tears from her eyes quickly with the sleeve of her hoodie hoping nobody saw her. Alain told her she had done nothing wrong. JJ’s nurses and doctors assured her that she had done everything right. Sometimes these things happen. She didn’t care. She could have been better. She could have done right by her son. He should still be in her growing and happy. Not out here in the harsh world. 

Alain pulled her close to him, kissing her forehead. He had seen. She cursed herself silently. Why did he insist on being so nice to her? Why couldn’t he be angry at her? This was her fault. Why was he holding her now as they waited to get checked into the unit?

“I love you,” Alain whispered gently. Nathalie stayed silent. 

Finally it was their turn to be checked in. They handed over their ID’s. The secretary welcomed them and made small talk while she printed their ID badges to get into the unit. They were buzzed in, a loud click of the latch on the double doors signaled they were free to go. Alain took her hand and led her into the unit. The door was at the end of what felt like the longest hallway she’d ever been in. It seemed like every day it got longer. She just wanted to be with her baby, let him know she was there and it was okay. Did he miss her as much as she missed him when she wasn’t able to be there? 

She stopped dead in her tracks. The loud machine was gone. What had happened? Was he okay? What was this new machine behind his incubator? It was quiet, so quiet. She walked toward him slowly, her eyes glued to the box serving as his home for now. She lifted back the cover, sighing to see him looking so peaceful, sleeping. He still had the tube in his mouth to help him breath as well as the feeding tube. But his tiny body wasn’t shaking. She felt her heart leap. The nurse had said that the machine wasn’t working if his chest wasn’t wiggling. His chest rose and fell. His stomach sucked inward under his ribs. 

“Good afternoon!” JJ’s primary nurse, Juliette, smiled. “How are you two doing today?” 

Her smile was bright and reassuring. Nathalie felt weight lift off her when she saw her. Juliette had been the one to admit JJ when he was born. She’d explained everything to the worried new parents. Nathalie had cried on her shoulder numerous times the past two weeks. She knew JJ better than anyone else. When she was working, Nathalie knew JJ was being looked after by the best. She could rest a little easier. She hated coming in to find a new person assigned to him that day. 

“Is he okay?” Nathalie asked, squeezing the bottle of milk to her chest. “His loud machine’s gone and he’s not jiggling like before.”

“He’s doing great actually! He’s off the oscillator and on a normal ventilator. He’s very stable today! He’s been loving your milk. I even was able to finally get footprints for you!” Juliette smiled and motioned to the small cardboard cutout with the tiniest footprints she had ever seen. They looked smaller than his feet. 

“Thank you so much, Juliette!” Nathalie whispered, brushing tears off her face once more. She was so happy to finally have something she could take home. She pulled the nurse into a tight hug. 

“No problem at all!” Juliette smiled. “Say…how would you like to hold him, Mrs. Leroy?”

Nathalie stared at her. Had she heard her right? Did she just say she could hold JJ? No, she must have heard incorrectly. He was still so small. Surely she was just hearing what she wanted to hear. Her eyes glued right back to that tiny baby with the sticky skin you could see through. 

“I’m sorry. I must have heard you wrong. I thought you said I could hold him.” Nathalie let out a soft laugh.

“No, ma’am! You heard me right! He’s stable enough today and hasn’t been too touchy. He still doesn’t like to be touched much, but I think he would definitely like to cuddle with his maman skin to skin! It’s called kangaroo care. It is very beneficial to both you and JJ. Mr. Leroy, you’re able to hold him too! But I think we can both agree that maman needs to be the first one.” Juliette let out a soft giggle. 

“I…I can hold him?” Nathalie’s breath caught.

“Yes ma’am. I’ll get a round of vitals and change his diaper and you can hold him!” Juliette confirmed. 

“Oh my god.” 

A sob escaped Nathalie’s lips. She grabbed hold of Alain, burying her face in his shoulder. His arms wrapped around her and his lips brushed against her cheek. Sobs wracked her body. Finally after two long, painful weeks, she was able to hold her precious baby boy. This meant he was doing better. It wasn’t so scary. She could hold him and let him know she loved him and she wasn’t abandoning him. She needed him to know how much she loved, how much she wanted him to get strong. Love would make him grow big and strong. He was so little now, but she knew that with how much she loved him, how much Alain loved him, that he was going to get there. She just knew it. Doubt had been replaced. She could hold him!

Juliette instructed Nathalie to sit down in the recliner at the bedside and strip down to her tank top she was wearing under her hoodie. Nathalie watched as Juliette and one of the respiratory therapists carefully picked the impossibly small child from the bed in the incubator and bring him to her chest. 

The second his body touched hers, a rush of euphoria filled her body. She felt so alive. Endorphins. That was the feeling. This was more intense than any rush of endorphins she’d ever experienced. Her heart felt as though it was would burst from feeling so full. It was as though they were connected again. God, he smelled so good! She closed her eyes and took a big sniff of him. Her body was electrified. 

The two women helped get JJ into the perfect position on Nathalie’s chest. Juliette put a small hat on his head and covered him with a warm blanket. She helped Nathalie lean back and put her feet up. She instructed her not to rub him like you’d do with a term baby. A gentle, steady touch would do the trick. 

Nathalie could feel JJ’s tiny body squirm and finally rest against her. His tiny hand rested on her chest. She tried to get a good look at him, but he was so far up. Alain snapped a picture. She couldn’t believe it. She was holding JJ! She could feel him and smell him. She had waited so long. She wasn’t sure if she ever wanted to miss out on this experience. She didn’t want to take it away from Alain, but would his body feel this good? She wiped the tears from her cheeks and smiled at her husband.

“He feels so good,” she whispered. 

“I can’t imagine…” Alain whispered back, his eyes glued to the tiny infant. 

“He’s so light,” she let out a laugh. “But he’s a little less than two pounds. Can you smell him? Doesn’t he smell so amazing?”

“You look good holding him. You finally look relaxed. I haven’t seen you smile in so long. Not since…” He trailed off, neither one wanting to remember how suddenly and severely Nathalie got sick. 

“I love you, JJ,” Nathalie whispered gently, kissing his tiny head. “Maman love you much. I love you with every fiber of me. I promise you I’ll always love you. I love you more and more each day. I miss you. I don’t want to leave you here. I promise you’ll come home with us.” 

“It’s crazy, huh?” Alain said softly.

“What?” Nathalie’s eye going back to Alain. 

“How someone so tiny makes you love them so much.”

“Yeah.” Nathalie smiled. “You hear that? Papa loves you so much too!” 

Alain stood up and walked over to her. He leaned over her, one hand rested on the armrest opposite him. He leaned down and brushed his lips gently on the baby’s head. His eyes lingered on the child for a moment before he kissed Nathalie softly on the lips. 

“I love you.” 

“I love you too,” Nathalie said.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Please comment?


End file.
